Tomorrow.

Tomorrow I turn 30.  3. 0.  Weird.  


I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately, partly because I've had a pretty crazy year (when I take a moment to stop and look back on it), and partly because last week I had to tell 'my story' to my Vantage Point group.  (My mom asked me which story that was.  It's the whole story, as in the story about my life, and where God's been at work throughout my life.)  It's actually been pretty fun to look back, and it's also neat that it almost perfectly coincides with this momentous occasion.  What I've realized the most is that God has been at work in my life, for all of my life.  Isn't it funny that we don't see that when we go through stuff, but later when we stop to reflect, it's often so obvious?  That whole saying about hindsight being 20/20 is pretty true.


So as much as it's been cool to see and acknowledge God's presence and hand at work in my life the past 30 years, it also challenges me to be more aware of God's presence and hand at work right now.  It's happening.  History tells me that it can't not be happening.  But where?  What am I learning, how am I growing, that I don't even know right now?  It also makes me excited for a year from now when again, I'll be looking back and seeing God's hand in everything - my situations, relationships, decisions that I'm living in today.  


I also find it so comforting that this is truth.  That even though I can't see it always, God is doing stuff in my life, in the lives of the people around me, and in the world in general.  It's comforting that I'm never actually 'on my own', to make my own way in the world, but that God is always at work, leading, guiding, preparing.


And the same goes for you.  Be encouraged by that.  God is doing great things in you.  Take a moment to think about the journey you have been and are on.

Still and again...

I read this quote this morning on another blog.  

“To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common. this is my symphony."    ~w.e. channing

It struck me again, as the way that I want to be living, and that I am very much not living this way currently.  My life has been a constant barrage of the urgent and busy for the last 4 weeks.  I have eaten only 4 suppers in my own house - no lunches and few breakfasts.  Until lastnight I hadn't folded laundry in over a month, and I had 4 almost empty containers of sour milk in my fridge.  I have been far too busy, and right now I can only dream about listening to stars and birds, and thinking quietly.

And yet I realize that I am the only one who can make this change.  I keep thinking that my situation will change, and this busyness will just end, and I will be able to enjoy this quiet symphony, but the more I think about my life and how I live, I realize that it is up to me to make this happen, regardless of the busyness, and the tyranny of the urgent that I experience.  

So what to do with that?  How does one squeeze more hours into the day than there actually are?  Or does this all mean that I have to let go of something, and gain this quiet symphony?  I know one of my habits is to try to do everything - I love being with friends, and never want to miss an opportunity to be with the people I love, but sometimes is it best to sacrifice something to gain something else?  I think it must be.  

So sorry friends, I may not be at Bible Study this week again.  But I will probably be at home, quiet, doing something I just need to do for myself.  Maybe reading.  Maybe making cards.  Maybe baking.  And I will be meeting God in my own version of Bible study.  Please pray for me.  

Quoting...

I read this today over here.  


“More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time to practice this simple ministry of presence. Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress. But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn’t be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them.”   ~ Henri Nouwen


Just thought I'd share it with whoever's out there reading (or waiting 3+ weeks to read).  Yes, I know, I've been absent.  I've been busy.  I've been doing the things this quote talks about, and not doing the other things this quote talks about.  Can you figure out what I've been doing and not doing?  I'm doing better this week though - 3 chances already to just hang out, be with, and love people because God made them!  And it's only tuesday.  I may also be needing something to somewhat distract me from a new reality in my life.  But it's all good, and it works out well for everyone involved!  Even better.

God doesn't do mediocrity

Yesterday I started reading 'Crazy Love' by Francis Chan.  I've heard great things about this book, so my expectations were pretty high.  I made it through the first few chapters - it's good stuff.  I was totally tracking with him, and was pretty excited, until I came to chapter four, which is titled 'Profile of the Lukewarm'.  In this chapter, Chan gives a series of 'you might be a lukewarm Christian if...' statements.  I made it through the first few unscathed, but the list seemed to never end, and by the time it did end, I had some thinking to do.  And I have more to do, so we'll save that for another post.

What I wanted to think some more about tonight came from the first chapter of the book.  Before you go any further, click here to watch a short video.

What I got out of this video was that God doesn't do anything halfway.  The vastness of our galaxy and universe, in contrast to God's knowledge of every single person on earth is staggering.  Additionally, the complexity of the system - how creation, in all its different aspects works exhibits God's ingenuity and perfect design.  As I watched the video, I couldn't help but see how God didn't create something 'halfway', or something that 'would work'.  God created an amazing world.  And it didn't end there.

How is it that we so easily fall into the trap of thinking of ourselves of average?  Not great? Mediocre?  When we believe these lies, we not only sell ourselves short of a life that is much bigger, grander, larger than what we could imagine, but we also sell God short.  God didn't create average, not great or mediocre.  God created spectacular.  God created phenomenal.  And each of us, every person who has ever existed and ever will exist is a part of that.  But I think first we have a couple of choices to make.  The first, is that we have to choose to believe the things that God says about us.  And not just believe it like 'oh yeah, it says that in the Bible', but believe it like LIVE IT OUT.  That's the second choice: to live it out.  It means taking risks.  It means doing things that will probably make you really uncomfortable, to prove to yourself and God that the things God says about you are true.  And it's a long road.

Psalm 139:14 says 'Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!  Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it'.  Do you know it?  Do you live that out?

God doesn't do mediocre.

I've been on this journey for a while.  I am going to be on this journey for the rest of my life.  I often fall into that trap of thinking that I'm not great, not spectacular.  But other times I believe, and the more times I choose to believe, the less times I fall into that trap.  The less times I fall into that trap, the more I am free to be the very best I can be, which is the me that God created me to be.  It may not look phenomenal or spectacular to anyone else, it may even look like mediocrity to others, but to God, it is perfection.

Two books down

I love to read.  I could do it for days and weeks on end without complaining.  I haven't done it enough lately.

Today I read one complete book (The Purity Code by Jim Burns, which is a book for parents and teens about sexual purity, God's thoughts on the subject, and God's desire for us to live the best life possible.)

Today I also finished another book I've been working on for about a year and a half.  Shameful, I know.  Part of me thinks I should just start over again, because I'm sure it's kind of lost it's effect in the year and a half it's taken me to get through it.  Nevertheless, it is the inspiration for this edition of thought provocation.

The book is 'Jesus for President' by Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw.  First of all, a little background on Shane.  He lives in Philly in an intentional community (read hippies that live together).  He is passionate about God, the poor and marginalized, and politics.  This book is about all of them.  Before continuing, can I just say that I love this man, his passion, and I can only hope to be as inspired, convinced and moved to action as he is.)

A couple of quotes to share:

Talking about 'hell and damnation' sermons that were all too familiar from his childhood 'But have you ever noticed that Jesus didn't spend much time on hell?...We see Jesus spending far more energy loving the hell out of people, and lifting people out of the hells in which they are trapped, than trying to scare them into heaven.'

Shane's mom is quoted as saying 'Perhaps there is no more dangerous place for a Christian to be than in safety and comfort, detached from the suffering of others.' 

'Church father Ignatius said that if our church is not marked by caring for the poor, the oppressed, and the hungry, then we are guilty of heresy - and a new reformation is long overdue.'

In the words of Ghandi 'There is enough for everyone's need but not enough for everyone's greed'.

Okay, just one more thing, I promise.  In response to Ignatius' challenge, Shane's community initiated a 'relational tithe' which is a group of friends around the world taking care of each other and their neighbours.  USING A BLOG (I see potential...)  They respond often to situations of poverty, homelessness and even natural disasters.  Out of this also came a conference, in which people were trained in interdependence and alternative economics.  Rather than support huge corporations, essentially empowering the rich to become more rich, the attendees of the conference brought skills, talents, etc. to barter for further training.  'We'll never forget seeing Shane's uncle, who doesn't have much to do with anything that smells religious, taking some nuns fishing.  It was a great image of the kingdom.' 

I think my world's been turned upside down.  And for good reason.  Now I'm far from a hippie, and I really like having my own space, and my own things, but this is challenging me to rethink this lifestyle I have (and enjoy!)  Also, don't hear me saying that we all need to become Shane Claiborne, live like him, and do all the same things - we are the entire body of Christ after all.  But I am pretty sure that it has implications for me concerning my time, my resources, and my attachment to the things I have.  Are they really mine, or are they resources of the kingdom?  (Don't worry, I know the answer.  Now I just need to live it out a little more.)

So just a warning - expect another book report in place of a blog post tomorrow, as I continue the downward motion through the stack of books I haven't been reading in the last 2 years.  Or more.

Looking forward

Things I am looking forward to in 2011:

becoming an auntie again - to a nephew this time
a ski trip with our Sr. High students next weekend
at least 2 trips to Ontario (April & May)
summer (cause that last one didn't count)
change
challenge
growth
new opportunities ???
the unknown

Okay, so a few of those I might not really be looking forward to, but in light of yesterdays post I feel obligated to add them.  I know that in a year I'll look back again and be glad I went through whatever I went through.

The year that was 2010

How do you sum up a year in which so many significant things happened?  First of all, let's recap.
In February I knew that real change would be happening, although I didn't know when, or what that would look like entirely.  All I can say is God told me to be prepared.
I also returned to work at the tree farm, only to realize just how unhappy I was there, and that something needed to change. 
In March I resigned my position of nearly 10 years, and took a very different job, in a very different setting.  Subsequently, in April I started commuting to Calgary, dressing like a girl for work, and along the way I gained a lot of self-confidence.
When I started my new job in April, I soon realized just how desperately needed that change had been, and how unhealthy I had been, emotionally and mentally.  I spent most of the spring simply enjoying being excited about life, feeling motivated and creative, and generally feeling great about life!  It was a really good experience.
In May and June some more the changes that would take place in my life this year became evident.  My mentor and very good friend Evan announced that he would be leaving his position as the youth pastor at our church, to start a church plant in Chestermere.  This also had implications for me, as the church council approached me about taking on the Youth Pastor position on an interim basis, until a permanent replacement could be found.
This was an exciting opportunity - I knew without a doubt that it was what I was meant and called to do, but it was also very emotional.  I felt very inadequate.  At the same time, I was feeling very sad about the reality of a change in an important relationship.  I was a basket case for about a month, as I dealt with all of these changing realities.
Through the summer, I began preparing myself for starting work at the church in the fall, but more importantly, I enjoyed myself and did fun things in the summer for the first time in years.  A rafting trip with our youth, a trip to Ontario to spend time with my family, taking in the Calgary Stampede, and the Strathmore Rodeo, and a camping trip with some of my closest friends were some of the things that made the summer great.
In September I started my position at the church.  The beginning of the fall was characterized by stress, anxiety, and several times of thinking 'whose big idea was this anyway?'  Had I not been so certain that this was where God wanted me, I may have lost it all together. 
In reality, the transition went smoothly and much more easily than I had anticipated.

Looking back over the year, and all that has happened, I think that if anyone had suggested to me that this is where I would find myself today, I would have laughed in their face!

This also makes me think that it is by God's grace that we don't know all the things that our lives will bring ahead of time.  I imagine had I known all that I would go through in 2010, I may have been tempted to go to bed on New Year's Eve, pull the covers over my head, and never wake up.

How often do we think 'I wish I knew what to expect'.  I have learned this year that knowing everything that was to come would probably cause me more stress than not knowing.  I am convinced that I would constantly live in a place of anxiety, not being able to live in the present, or enjoy the journey.  By not knowing, I have learned further to trust God, and have experienced God's grace and faithfulness in new ways.  The journey hasn't been easy or fun all the time, but I'm still really glad I didn't sleep through 2010.

Garth Brooks sang the song 'The Dance', and the lyrics from the chorus came to mind as I reflected.  I think it's also appropriate to use a country song, in light of the picture above, from the camping trip with my friends in August. 

'And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance'

Happy New Year everyone!  I wish you a 2011 filled with adventure, challenge and surprise. 

Live every moment and embrace the unknown.