Tomorrow.

Tomorrow I turn 30.  3. 0.  Weird.  


I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately, partly because I've had a pretty crazy year (when I take a moment to stop and look back on it), and partly because last week I had to tell 'my story' to my Vantage Point group.  (My mom asked me which story that was.  It's the whole story, as in the story about my life, and where God's been at work throughout my life.)  It's actually been pretty fun to look back, and it's also neat that it almost perfectly coincides with this momentous occasion.  What I've realized the most is that God has been at work in my life, for all of my life.  Isn't it funny that we don't see that when we go through stuff, but later when we stop to reflect, it's often so obvious?  That whole saying about hindsight being 20/20 is pretty true.


So as much as it's been cool to see and acknowledge God's presence and hand at work in my life the past 30 years, it also challenges me to be more aware of God's presence and hand at work right now.  It's happening.  History tells me that it can't not be happening.  But where?  What am I learning, how am I growing, that I don't even know right now?  It also makes me excited for a year from now when again, I'll be looking back and seeing God's hand in everything - my situations, relationships, decisions that I'm living in today.  


I also find it so comforting that this is truth.  That even though I can't see it always, God is doing stuff in my life, in the lives of the people around me, and in the world in general.  It's comforting that I'm never actually 'on my own', to make my own way in the world, but that God is always at work, leading, guiding, preparing.


And the same goes for you.  Be encouraged by that.  God is doing great things in you.  Take a moment to think about the journey you have been and are on.

Still and again...

I read this quote this morning on another blog.  

“To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not, rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common. this is my symphony."    ~w.e. channing

It struck me again, as the way that I want to be living, and that I am very much not living this way currently.  My life has been a constant barrage of the urgent and busy for the last 4 weeks.  I have eaten only 4 suppers in my own house - no lunches and few breakfasts.  Until lastnight I hadn't folded laundry in over a month, and I had 4 almost empty containers of sour milk in my fridge.  I have been far too busy, and right now I can only dream about listening to stars and birds, and thinking quietly.

And yet I realize that I am the only one who can make this change.  I keep thinking that my situation will change, and this busyness will just end, and I will be able to enjoy this quiet symphony, but the more I think about my life and how I live, I realize that it is up to me to make this happen, regardless of the busyness, and the tyranny of the urgent that I experience.  

So what to do with that?  How does one squeeze more hours into the day than there actually are?  Or does this all mean that I have to let go of something, and gain this quiet symphony?  I know one of my habits is to try to do everything - I love being with friends, and never want to miss an opportunity to be with the people I love, but sometimes is it best to sacrifice something to gain something else?  I think it must be.  

So sorry friends, I may not be at Bible Study this week again.  But I will probably be at home, quiet, doing something I just need to do for myself.  Maybe reading.  Maybe making cards.  Maybe baking.  And I will be meeting God in my own version of Bible study.  Please pray for me.