A New Perspective

I really like sleeping.  I'm usually pretty good at it too.  But once in a while, (or sometimes for long periods of time), I'm not so good at it.  In the last week I've watched the sunrise 5 times.  Okay, well I haven't actually watched the sun rise, but I've seen the sky get lighter through the curtains in my bedroom window, from my bed.  It's happening at about 4 AM.  That is an hour when I should be sleeping, but haven't been.  I've been frustrated, impatient, and several times I've given up and watched a show on my laptop, or played games on my phone.  


This morning I read a blog post from a lady who has also been awake during those small number hours when it seems inhumane (and ungodly?) to be awake. She has vowed to make coffee, get up, and watch the next time it happens.  And I'm going to 'join her'.  All week I've been frustrated, annoyed and tired (hmm, wonder why?)  But I am going to choose to get up, make coffee (absolutely necessary at that time of day!) and instead of begrudging the fact that I'm awake, I'm going to see it as an invitation from God to join him in the quiet stillness of the day not quite there yet.  It will be a stretch, and I probably won't like it all the time, but I'll do it.  And I'm anticipating great things God!  


On the flip side of the day, last summer I decided I needed to spend more time outside.  I bought a great lawnchair (footrest attached!), and set it up on the porch, looking west as many nights as I could.  I bathed myself in mosquito spray, took water, books, a journal and pen, and was still.  I think it's the best time of the day in the summer - the evening time when the sun sinks just a little lower from the sky, and the shadows get longer.  In the country things are peaceful and quiet (mostly.)  I was occasionally joined by the 2 cats, the dog and some children, but it was good.  It was restful.  Maybe these mornings will come to be a similar experience.

I'm back... And wow.

Hello everyone!  I know, it's been a while again, and as much as I say every time that it won't happen again, it does.  I'm busy working, and today I read through some of my VP3 workbooks looking for some stuff.  I stumbled upon this journal entry, and wanted to share it with you because apparently I need to remind myself of what I wrote back in September.


"I believe I am in a place of discovery.  I have been able to pass through a place of asking God 'but are you sure?' to a place where I have been able to begin embracing the image and realities of who and what God is calling me to be, and has created me to be.  I have, in ways, been able to 'let God out of the box' I'd put him in, and become okay with the thought that perhaps this faith that I'm striving to live out looks different than that which I was raised with.  I feel as though I am discovering a freedom within faith that I didn't know was possible." 


Wow.  I read that just moments ago, and literally I thought - holy smokes - who wrote that for me?  I feel like it's pretty profound, and I'm glad I stumbled upon it now, as again, I feel like I'm asking God 'but are you sure?' Not about what I'm doing now, but about what I may be called to in the future (I'm not withholding information - I legitimately don't know yet what that is...  Stay tuned.)


Just thought I'd share that with you.

A Perfect Day

Today was the kind of day I've been waiting all winter for.  It was warm, sunny, quiet and simple.  It was the kind of day that is good for my soul.


My niece was thrilled to see me again this morning.  It's only been 3 weeks since I've seen her, and she's old enough now to remember me.  My sister and I walked her to daycare a little later, and it was already warm and sunny.  Next was naptime.  Then a 2 hour walk with my sister and my new nephew, Gavin.

Then came the picnic in the park for supper, followed by play time.  It was warm.  It was sunny.  It was simple and refreshing.  

And tonight, as the sun was going down, the streets were getting quiet and the birds were singing, I sat on the front porch and was quiet.  Gavin slept in my lap, and I chatted with the neighbors.  It was the simple, calm, peaceful day I've been waiting months for.  There was no busy-ness today.  There was no sense of 'I need to get this done today'.  It was just a day to enjoy and be.

Love. Rest. Peace.

Matthew 11:28 - 30 (The Message)


'Are you tired?  Worn out?  Burned out on religion?  
Come to me.  Get away with me and you'll recover your life.  
I'll show you how to take a real rest.  
Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. 
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.  
I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.  
Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.'  


-Jesus


I love this.  I find it so inviting.  Graceful.  Restful.  Sincere.  


It feels like so much more life (relationally, peace) , and yet so much less life (accomplishment, running around like a chicken with my head cut off).  I want to live freely and lightly.  Like a spring breeze.  Is this impossible in this world?  It feels like it, but maybe that's just me.

Family.

Have you ever felt like family among people you have absolutely no relation to?  I've spent the last 3 days with pastors and representatives from all the churches that belong to the same family of churches I do.  Our conference ended lastnight, and as I drove away to see my actual (blood-related) family, I felt sad.  Don't get me wrong.  I love my family. Anyone who's been around me in the last couple of week knows how excited I've been, especially to see this little wonder:

Yep, that's my niece Natalie, and we love each other very much.  I guess that's what family is all about, right?  So getting back to the conference, one of the highlights is just seeing people that I don't get to see often.  Friends that live far away.  Meeting new friends that live far away.  But what makes me feel and experience that sense of family?  I think it's the idea of being around like-minded people.  We're all on different journeys, in very different geographic regions, but we're all striving to follow God, and discern God's will for our lives, but also God's will for the communities we lead.  There is something so powerful about when that family all comes together.  The fellowship, the challenge, the honesty, and the encouragement are so important to me, and that's where the sense of family comes in for me.  

I had so many people, over the course of 3 days ask me 'how are you doing?'  It's not the 'hey!  How's it goin'?' Rather, it's 'how are you doing?  How is your work at the church going?  How is your soul?'  Intentionally asked questions, begging honest answers because these people care.  They care about me, but they also care about our larger family of churches, and the things that I do, lead and experience are of interest to them because we're in this together!  What a great gift it is to know that I'm not alone on this journey.  I left feeling very cared for, which I think is the most important aspect of family.  They're looking out for me, making sure I'm doing okay, and that I'll be able to continue on this journey until we meet again in 6 months or so.  I have never felt so blessed by, nor excited about being a part of the family of churches called the Evangelical Covenant Church of Canada.  It is family for me.

And now, I get to hang out with my real family too.  Bonus!  I sent them all off to church this morning, and I'm having a quiet morning by myself, because let's face it, how often does a pastor get a chance to skip church?  Besides, I've gotten to be a part of 3 amazing services in the last 4 days.  I think I've met my quota.  I hope today is filled with family of some sort or description for you as well.  Blessings, friends.

Spring???

First Day of Spring

So, I read a bunch of blogs by various people in many different parts of the world.  Lately, a lot of them have been talking about spring.  I'm trying really hard not to be envious, jealous and bitter, but I don't have much to work with, as you can see above.  I took that picture yesterday on my home from work.  You can't see where the snow stops and the sky begins.  Neither could I when I took that picture.  The whole world was very grey.  We have had snow here since November 16th.  With no breaks.  I feel a bit like it's the never ending winter, after the non-existent summer.  I want to believe there's a light at the end of the tunnel, but forgive me for being skeptical.


It is somewhat representative of how I've been feeling about my life lately though (which is why it's worth mentioning here.)  It's been a long winter.  A lot of change has happened this winter, and it's been pretty emotional.  On top of that, it's been (unexpectedly) extremely busy, and just when there was a light at the end of the tunnel, it was snatched away.  (My part time job in Calgary didn't end when it was supposed to.  A blessing really, but it meant I didn't get the break I was looking forward to.)  


I hope you don't hear my complaining, because I'm not.  I'm more wanting to get across the state of my soul.  I am tired.  I feel empty.  I feel a bit monotonous.  But I am reminded that this is a season, and while it's lasting longer than I'd like, it too, will end.  And in the midst of the season, there are glimpses of brightness and joy.  I work with a great group of students.  (See my last post for proof of this).  Lately, I have seen them rising to challenges, and growing, and wanting to go deeper in their faith and relationships with God.  The other highlight is when they ask me to go for coffee with them.  Whether it's to talk about difficult situations, or just about life in general, I am honored that they trust me enough to make this gesture.  


So even in the longest, darkest, snowiest winters, there are hints of brightness, and the promise of spring.  I am choosing to believe that it will not last forever.

Too long...

Wow.  I did not realize it's been almost a month.  I feel like that's some horrible sin in blog-world.  I vowed to never let that much time pass in between posts.  And here we have it - I'm still human!


On the 16th of February, I turned 30 (in case anyone in the world missed it - I certainly felt like the whole world knew - and congratulated me!)  What a great day!  I am definitely one of those people who still gets very excited about birthdays.  Mostly this means my own, but I am definitely very understanding and supportive when others are excited for their birthdays as well.

It's kind of funny.  Wednesdays (my birthday fell on one), I usually work all day at my job in Calgary, and don't go into my office at the church at all.  But this day, I had taken the morning off to get some urgent stuff done at the church.  I arrived to see this:  

Happy Birthday Corinne

I opened the door to find my office had been extensively decorated, with great attention to detail taken.  Turns out, several of the wonderful teenagers in our youth group had arranged with a parent with a key to sneak in to my office, and 'make a big deal', just like I told them I liked.  

It's a big deal.

I wasn't asking for it - I just had mentioned that birthdays were still a big deal to me, and I still like celebrating them.


Almost a month later, the post it notes saying happy birthday in a dozen different languages, and other miscellaneous statements ('You are so beautiful to me', Happy 40th, we love you, etc.) remain.  

Mostly because I've been so super busy and haven't had time to take them down, but also because I love them, and every day I open the door to my office, and know again that I am loved and appreciated.  Probably the most touching gift they left me was a plastic recorder.  It showed that they know me, and remember the things I talk about, and pay attention.  You see, when I was growing up, I played the recorder.  Like, for real.  Won competitions and was awarded scholarships.  I know, I know, I don't really spread that one around, but it's true.  You can ask my parents.  Kind of embarrassing.  

So I've been thinking about what it means to be known.  I'm  not going to write about it, because I think it's going to be my next sermon, and I don't want to ruin it, but there is something about being known.  It was a big deal to me.


Anyway, my 30th birthday was my best one yet!  I also spent a great afternoon at my job in the city celebrating with my co-workers there, and then was spoiled with flowers and a beautiful card from my small group ladies, and a party with close friends later on the weekend.  Oh yeah, and literally, about 100 people wished me happy birthday on facebook.  Not to brag, but that's a lot of people.  I felt very loved, celebrated and special, which was what made it the best birthday yet.  So a belated thanks to everybody out there who helped make that day so wonderful.  And I'm starting to get teased at the church because the decorations are still up.  They think I'm still relishing it.  I've just been busy, okay?  And I might be relishing just a little...

'Thanks for being an awesome youth pastor' and 'Finally 40'