God is Kicking My Butt

Last Tuesday, during our staff meeting, we were asked to talk about something that is encouraging us, and something that is also challenging us. I answered both questions with the same answer: God is kicking my butt.  

Last weekend we had a prayer retreat of sorts at church.  It was a great time of learning and listening, and it was through the course of the weekend that I had a strong sense of God saying to me 'Corinne, I am going to be asking more and bigger things of you, and these will be things that won't be comfortable for you.'  Great.  

So I explained on Tuesday morning, that this is an encouragement, because while I'm freaking out, God has way more faith in me, and what I can do with him, than I have in myself.  That is truly encouraging, if not terrifying.

And the challenge side of this is that God is once more asking me to be willing to move outside of my comfort zone, do things I'm not crazy about doing, and go on another adventure with him.  My immediate response is to run and hide, pretend I didn't hear anything, ignore that nudging voice in my head.  But my name's not Jonah, and I don't want to end up where he did...

So I'm trying to be okay with this.  I'm trying to be open, and just accept what God's got for me, even though I have no clue what it is yet.

Oh, and that change and challenge that I said I was looking forward to when I wrote last time?  Yeah, well, be careful what you wish for.  Nothing I can share yet, but stay tuned.

Insert Stereotypical New Year's Post Title Here

Aaah, my poor neglected blog.  It's been over a year.  And what a (over a year) it's been!  I am totally okay with leaving 2012 behind, although it was a great year.

So much unexpected change and challenge
So much joy and yet sadness
So much learning, and
So much fun.

2012 in my books can pretty much be summed up this way:  I preached a sermon on New Year's day, asking the questions 

        Can you give up this year to God, and give God the opportunity to show you the things in your life that he is wanting to transform? 
        Can you offer up your life, and all that you have as a gift, and ask God what it is he is asking of you?

Well, as 2012 unfolded, these questions all took on different meaning, and gained a lot of significance.

I closed the year by preaching on Dec. 23 about peace, and how we can experience peace in the midst of the non-peace of our lives - the busyness, messiness, unpredictability and stress.  This year I have learned what that looks like, and how it is possible for that to happen.  I'm not saying I've got it down to a science, or that I live a peaceful existence at all times, but 2012 was a year of learning about experiencing peace outside of peaceful circumstances.

 

I'm not one for making new years resolutions, and I'm definitely less of one to keep them, but here are some things I'm looking forward to in 2013:

Reading more (this is so very desperately needed)
More change and challenge (this is fun because I have no control over it!)
more learning (starting with taking my first class towards being licensed as a Pastor in the Evangelical Covenant Church)
And more fun.  Lots and lots more fun.

With any luck, you'll actually hear about it this year ; )

Reflections on Summer

I am trying to reconcile myself to the fact that summer is over.  I'm not happy about it.  I haven't been looking forward to fall (the weather, mostly).  This summer was such a gift to me.


I had allowed myself to become quite burnt out by June (well, February really, but I pushed through until June).  I had commented to someone a while back that we really are capable of far too much all on our own.  I proved myself right. When I should have been taking more time to rest and take care of myself, I was doing all that I could to stay afloat.  This summer has really been a time of resting, relaxing, enjoying a (somewhat) slower pace, and taking a break from the (crazy) routine and schedule that dictates my life the rest of the year.


I went on my first real vacation!  What a wonderful two weeks those were.  And although there were things I would do differently (less days of driving 9+ hours a day, more beach...) I loved nearly every minute of it.  And now I keep thinking back to those 2 weeks.  Because even though our programs and other activities haven't really started yet, life is getting crazy.  My jaw is almost constantly tense, and I can't do anything to relax it.  (It's driving me crazy.  Seriously.)  It turns into really tight neck and shoulders, and I'm pretty sure the whole situation is just perpetuated.


The things my mind keeps returning to from my vacation are:


Trinity Center, CA (on Trinity Lake, in Trinity County, fed by Trinity River.  Do you sense a theme here?)  This tiny little town of 200 people stole my heart with it's sad, painful history, but bright, optimistic attitude.  


It was there that I heard and met Aimee Nolte, a brilliant Jazz musician who grew up in neighbouring Weaverville.  She could have been Norah Jones, if I didn't know better.  Amazing voice.  (And now we're friends on facebook!)  I bought one of her CD's, and her voice draws me back to the lake shore where she performed.


Mostly, I think I keep remembering the restful and relaxing pace (when I wasn't driving 9+ hours a day).  I had 4 beautiful days in one spot in California.  It was so good to just sit and be.  The weather was stunning (35 degrees, which is pretty much perfect in my books).


In 2 months this summer, I put 10,000 km on my car!  I went to the camp where I'm on the board of directors 3 times, I drove to northern Saskatchewan to visit an old friend from Camp Chestermere (this trip is an annual tradition, and this was the fifth year running).  I don't know where else I all went, but I had a lot of fun and still managed to get some work done.  


I read a couple of books.  A couple is a couple less than I'd hoped, but it's better than nothing.  I went to 2 rodeos (Calgary and Strathmore), both of which were great fun.


I'm getting to the point where I'm excited about some things about fall (just not fall itself, or the weather.)  I'm looking forward to seeing my students consistently again.  I MISS THEM!  I'm looking forward to sharing some of the things God's been teaching me, and putting on my heart.  I'm looking forward to some opportunities to connect with some pastor friends; they're people who care for me and challenge me in ways no one else can.  They are gifts from God to me.


And today I booked tickets to go to Ontario for Christmas.  I am so excited to spend Christmas with these cuties:

My niece Natalie and my nephew Gavin.  I can't wait to give them hugs, kisses, and all sorts of presents! (It's my job as Auntie.  I couldn't possibly let them down.)


And I might be looking forward to seeing these fine folks as well:

So I guess fall maybe isn't that bad.  It brings us Christmas.  And in my case family. 


Okay, I guess I'll be alright.

Vacation reflections

I've been home for exactly 2 weeks from my fabulous (okay, maybe not) first ever real vacation as an adult.  It maybe wasn't fabulous, but it was glorious.


I drove 4810 km in 13 days. By. My. Self.
I was in 2 provinces.
I visited 5 states (4 of which I'd not visited before).
I camped for 8 nights in a row (unless you count those 4 hours in a hotel room as a night...)
I was by myself for 8 days.
I read 3 books.
I listened to a lot of music.
I fell in love with a place I'd never been to before.
I learned that 6 hours of driving in one day is enough.


This trip was a gift in so many ways.  To spend that much time alone was so good for me.  Silence is a blessing.  I could think.  Pray.  Reflect on this crazy year.  Begin to dream about this coming year.  And just listen to God.


I saw God here:

and here:

and here

and a whole lot of other places too, but I can only post so many pictures...  But God was so present!  His creation is spectacular and amazing and mind-boggling.  


I learned things about myself, about travelling, and about slowing down.  I came back to work, hit the ground running, and am already longing for another vacation.  I've forgotten some of the things I've learned, and now I'm trying to remind myself of them as I frantically try to prepare for fall, plan and schedule events and care for people.


I wish I could have it back.  I wish I could go on vacation again, do nothing all day but sit and read, cook good food and go for a walk.  But what I know I need to do is adjust my everyday life to be more like the pace of my vacation.  I need to slow down a little.  I need to sit still for a while every day.  I need to pay more attention to what I'm eating.  And then maybe I wouldn't need a vacation so badly...

Tough Stuff

Today has been a hard day.  I came to my office at church expecting to 'get lots done' today.  In my administrative mind that means 'get organized', 'make lists', 'check things off the list', etc.  


Very shortly after arriving today, I found out that one of the students I've been caring for all year lost her father yesterday.  It's tragic, sad and unfathomable.  All of a sudden my idea of 'get lots done' changed to look like caring for this girl who is in shock and is grieving.  And that's okay.  And so much more important.  And so while I 'got nothing done' today, I did exactly what I needed to today.

A New Perspective

I really like sleeping.  I'm usually pretty good at it too.  But once in a while, (or sometimes for long periods of time), I'm not so good at it.  In the last week I've watched the sunrise 5 times.  Okay, well I haven't actually watched the sun rise, but I've seen the sky get lighter through the curtains in my bedroom window, from my bed.  It's happening at about 4 AM.  That is an hour when I should be sleeping, but haven't been.  I've been frustrated, impatient, and several times I've given up and watched a show on my laptop, or played games on my phone.  


This morning I read a blog post from a lady who has also been awake during those small number hours when it seems inhumane (and ungodly?) to be awake. She has vowed to make coffee, get up, and watch the next time it happens.  And I'm going to 'join her'.  All week I've been frustrated, annoyed and tired (hmm, wonder why?)  But I am going to choose to get up, make coffee (absolutely necessary at that time of day!) and instead of begrudging the fact that I'm awake, I'm going to see it as an invitation from God to join him in the quiet stillness of the day not quite there yet.  It will be a stretch, and I probably won't like it all the time, but I'll do it.  And I'm anticipating great things God!  


On the flip side of the day, last summer I decided I needed to spend more time outside.  I bought a great lawnchair (footrest attached!), and set it up on the porch, looking west as many nights as I could.  I bathed myself in mosquito spray, took water, books, a journal and pen, and was still.  I think it's the best time of the day in the summer - the evening time when the sun sinks just a little lower from the sky, and the shadows get longer.  In the country things are peaceful and quiet (mostly.)  I was occasionally joined by the 2 cats, the dog and some children, but it was good.  It was restful.  Maybe these mornings will come to be a similar experience.

I'm back... And wow.

Hello everyone!  I know, it's been a while again, and as much as I say every time that it won't happen again, it does.  I'm busy working, and today I read through some of my VP3 workbooks looking for some stuff.  I stumbled upon this journal entry, and wanted to share it with you because apparently I need to remind myself of what I wrote back in September.


"I believe I am in a place of discovery.  I have been able to pass through a place of asking God 'but are you sure?' to a place where I have been able to begin embracing the image and realities of who and what God is calling me to be, and has created me to be.  I have, in ways, been able to 'let God out of the box' I'd put him in, and become okay with the thought that perhaps this faith that I'm striving to live out looks different than that which I was raised with.  I feel as though I am discovering a freedom within faith that I didn't know was possible." 


Wow.  I read that just moments ago, and literally I thought - holy smokes - who wrote that for me?  I feel like it's pretty profound, and I'm glad I stumbled upon it now, as again, I feel like I'm asking God 'but are you sure?' Not about what I'm doing now, but about what I may be called to in the future (I'm not withholding information - I legitimately don't know yet what that is...  Stay tuned.)


Just thought I'd share that with you.